Life on the Road

There are a lot of games we can play on the road, but my favorite is “REALLY?!?!?” We usually cry this when someone in a much smaller vehicle is holding a cell phone in their left hand while merging onto the freeway, and they seem to have a few odd and wildly mistaken beliefs about our motorhome and basic physics:

• that we have an open spot somewhere around the kitchen where they can merge with traffic.
• that we’ll get over for them (we won’t– at 8 miles to the gallon, I can hear dollar coins hitting the pavement with every lane change).
• that they can speed up and get in front of us (by the time they’re at the kitchen, it is too late– we out-horsepower them, and if they do cut us off, they’re basically ensuring their death if there’s a sudden need to stop).
• that there’ll be space right behind us (there isn’t– there’s a towed Jeep in the way).
• that talking on the cell phone will magically make other drivers cater to their bad driving.

I’m sure you’re familiar with slug-bug, where you hit the other person (not the driver!) when you see a VW beetle, right? I propose a new game: cell phone tag. This is like slug-bug, and it goes like this: you’re driving and you see someone talking on their cell phone or texting while driving (yes, I’ve seen it– it’s “bad drivers r us”). And here’s what you do: YOU HANG UP YOUR PHONE. Eventually, everyone will hang up and drive, and we’ll have just one jerk driving around talking on their phone.

Don’t worry– I’ll leave voicemail so you can call me back later.